Menopause is still a hot topic – no pun intended! – that’s being discussed more openly, validating experiences and showing womb owners we’re not alone.
I find myself regularly starting conversations with random women about our symptoms and I’ve had some of the best belly laughs (now that I have a magnificent menopaunch) with strangers as we swap funny stories.
Irish women are particularly good at laughing at themselves so when they get onto this topic, it’s as good as any stand-up I’ve been to.
Read more: Vagina injections for better orgasms and sexual pleasure according to Professor
I love knowing I’m not the only one who loses her car, or wants to be home in bed by 9pm. I’d love to share an anecdote but I’m afraid I can’t remember any. I just know I loved sharing at the time.
Along with no periods, shrinking cysts and fibroids and no pregnancy worries, menopause brings a new sense of freedom. And as we get a little baggier at the seams, we are given the ability to not care. We’ve been through so much and life has taught us to put things in perspective, perhaps.
Now is the perfect time to turn to ourselves and our partners if we have them, and start exploring our sexuality. Finally, we’re free to play, explore and express ourselves in ways that may have been impossible before. So what if you make a mistake or forget to shave. Forgive yourself and focus on pleasure. It’s amazing what can happen!
If you feel close, and you like and trust each other, try scheduling time for just the two of you, with no devices, no TV, no discussing the usual topics like family, work, money or chores. Begin with just lying together and getting familiar with each other again with clothes on if you like.
We experience sex through our senses, and our tastes develop and change over time. For people in middle years, there’s a need for more play and warming up, partly due to slower blood flow to the genitals and lower sex hormones. We tend to get turned on by feeling that our partner is interested in our pleasure, paying attention and not rushing us.
Slow down, talk, touch, kiss, cuddle and slowly work towards taking off clothes and relaxing with each other. Not focussing on penetration or orgasm takes pressure off everyone and means you can take your time to ease back into love making.
Play around with massage, explorative touch and feedback, making pleasure the aim. Make eye contact and share how different touch feels for you these days.
When touching genitals, make sure to use a really good organic lube and keep reapplying. Take some time to make your space sensual or sexy for each other and yourselves. If you have very different tastes/desires you can take turns to get your needs met as long as your partner is fully consenting.
When it’s your turn to gift, you focus on the pleasure and turn-on you’re creating for your person. Go all in with enthusiasm and respect for their desire and help them to feel really special.
If you’re not sure what you like, masturbation is a great way to find out. Approach it from a loving place and be curious about what feels good. Don’t jump straight to orgasm because you’ll miss out on all the other stuff that feels exciting and interesting. Great sex isn’t simply about hitting the orgasm as quickly as possible. It’s about really taking time to enjoy bodies, touch, smell, taste, temperatures and so on.
Toys are fantastic for everyone in middle years as we often need so much more stimulation and warm up. Think of the toy as an aid to tiring hands or mouths, not a replacement. It’s OK to let your partner use your toy on you for massage and exploration, but don’t rush to hand it over when it comes to orgasm as it’s incredibly hard to get the pressure and placement right for female orgasms. Put it where you like it while your person does other things with hands and mouths and maybe penis.
Massaging penis shafts can help erections and many men enjoy having their prostate massaged with fingers or toys. A vibrating butt plug can be inserted before or during play and left there. Never use a toy that isn’t specifically designed for the butt because they come with an anchor on one end to prevent the hungry bum from swallowing the toy completely.
Couples’ toys can be great fun too. You might like the idea of inserting a small vibrating bullet into the vagina and giving the remote to your partner before going out for dinner! Or you might like a vibrating cock ring that will hold blood in the penis, helping erections, while rubbing against the clitoris. There are so many options.
Kink, BDSM and swinging are all areas that more middle-aged people are exploring also, but it’s best to do a lot of research and talking before jumping in.
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