Motherhood is a constant transformation as we challenge our identity, question what motherhood means to us, and wonder if we have to keep up with the expectations anticipated of us. It is hard as we attempt to grow an extra pair of hands, build walls to protect our boundaries, and find (and keep) space for ourselves.
It is a constant state of flux as we expand and contract with every stage of parenthood, every sleepless night, all of the staggering milestones, and the lost wobbly teeth. We are rocked so heavily in early motherhood, how are we expected to find our balance again?
Even though we may feel weakened, exhausted, overwhelmed, and heavily burdened with the challenges of motherhood, we are still strong, determined, proud, and committed to ourselves and our family. The problem is, family usually comes first, and Mom, second or last.
Read More: Why men don’t help with kids - I learned the hard way!
We may not feel strong when we’re knee deep in the constant demands and questioning the continuing responsibilities.
Yes, we may become used to the new burdens placed on our exhausted shoulders but in the beginning, we are kicked into this entirely unknown territory and silently, almost valiantly, expected to keep how we experience motherhood a secret.
We smile, show up, and deliver, despite possibly not wanting to, and feeling so terribly alone, unseen, and misunderstood.
It is difficult to show our vulnerability as we are hit with a pressure to be perfect accompanied by a fear of failure leading to chronic pain, anxious thoughts, self sabotage, or worry. The responsibilities weigh heavy and the overwhelm becomes a burden.
Managing our wellness and mental wellbeing during the early months and years of motherhood is important not only for us as individuals but for our family as a whole. We have to recognise that it is OK to ask for help, to let go a little, to recognise we are not alone.
The belief that we will carry on regardless is a false one. We do not have to pretend that we are fine.
Mother Yourself
What we need to remember is that no-one is “mothering” us during this wildly intense transformation. Mothering ourselves is an opportunity to allow us to heal and make choices for our lives, to rethink how we want motherhood to pan out, where we will find ourselves in amongst the bedlam, and giving ourselves permission to pause, think and breathe. It is showing up for yourself.
Being our own mother centres around that love, encouragement, soothing, and healing of the vulnerable child within us. It is about allowing ourselves to feel rejection, humiliation, and hurt, while permitting ourselves to cry, get angry, and express ourselves in the utterly human ways we need to. It is responding to those core emotional needs of our bare, naked and exposed selves. And not apologising for it.
Listen to Yourself
In all the noise of motherhood, we can struggle to listen to ourselves, meaning our needs are not met because we have not tuned in to what they are. Take the time to actively listen. It is exhausting when the voices of family life blur into one but failing to listen to ourselves means we may judge the feelings which come up for us without allowing ourselves to unravel them. Ignoring our inner child is one heavy knot. Make communicating with yourself a priority.
Believe in Yourself
Our self-doubt is such an overtightened knot in motherhood, mostly highlighted by the fact that we become so intrinsically responsible for the wellbeing of our children as well as our own. But doubt is led by untrue, fear-fuelled stories that we tell ourselves, making our progress so much harder as it stops us from seizing life, making decisions, or taking that step towards the future we are internally excited by. We can embrace our self-doubt and still believe in ourselves, knowing that we can and will make mistakes, that we are showing up amid the challenges, and that we are not perfect.
Create Space for You
Mothering needs that same nurturing protective space our babies need. We can recreate this safe space by giving ourselves permission to let our guard down and be so viscerally raw as we expound the emotions that build up over time. We can give ourselves this opportunity within our minds and within a physical space in our home. Creating space for you means developing boundaries in your life to allow yourself to find the momentary calm and embrace it.
Keep Moving Forward
In life, we may have very few cheerleaders. Don’t be afraid to cheer for yourself. We will face so many challenges throughout motherhood. Celebrate all of the wins and be proud of yourself.
Author and journalist Geraldine Walsh’s new book Unraveling Motherhood, €20.99 offers real insights on maternal mental health, identity and vulnerability and is available now nationwide
Get the latest RSVP headlines straight to your inbox for free by signing up to our newsletter
READ MORE:
- The most up-to-date headlines and stories on our site rsvplive.ie
- Cork woman became 'someone she didn't recognise' after having a baby
My baby started crèche this month and I learned some things I wish I hadn’t
Join our new WhatsApp community! Click
to receive your daily dose of RSVP Live content. We also treat our community members to wonderful competitions, promotions, along with great stories. If you don’t like our community, you can check out any time you like. If you’re curious, you can read our
