A couple of months back we celebrated our eldest son’s 12th birthday. He initially didn’t want to have a party but then decided to get a few pals together and go paintballing. As he blew out his candles surrounded by the school friends he has known since he was five, it struck me that this would probably be the last time I would see them all together.

In another 12 months they will be at different schools, embarking on the next exciting stage of their lives. With that in mind it was so lovely to hang out with this fun, mischievous gang one more time and be thankful for the years of friendship they’ve shared together.

Experts call the ages between nine and 12 the pre-teen or tween years and, as I’m discovering, the tail end of this age can be quite an interesting time! In between begging for independence, our little guy still craves the comfort of reassurance and hugs just like he has always done.

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There’s an element of self-awareness there alright, but he still he yells “love you!” every time he leaves the house, whether he’s in company or not – and I hope he doesn’t lose this part of him as he enters the teen years.

According to child psychotherapist Dr Colman Noctor, a recent poll found that 75% of parents think the most challenging years to raise a child are between 13-19 years. I can really relate to the puberty years – some days my son hops in the car after school and is full of chat about his day, and yet on others he will slump so far down in the seat he is practically lying down, and answers my questions with a grunt here and there.

The trick is to always let them know you’re there for them and available for the chats when they’re in the mood to open up.

Another suggestion is to take an interest and watch what they want to watch with them. So whether it’s Messi scoring goals on YouTube or the latest activity in the I’m A Celeb jungle, an easy way we can strengthen the bond we have with our child is to engage with whatever piques their interest.

Recently I found myself in the garden in the rain as a human rebounder. Essentially my job was to catch the ball every time my kids missed their target and throw it back to them. It was fairly mundane and I was conscious I needed to get the dinner on but during the 20 minutes or so I spent outside being ball girl, I realised that the conversation was flowing.

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We were chatting about basketball and why they enjoy it, but then other topics naturally crept into the conversation – from how their day went in school, what they did and didn’t like about art class, and their favourite thing to eat. The chat was random and rambling but at the same time it flowed.

I feel that once we accept that friction and a bit of conflict between parent and child is unavoidable during the teenage years, navigating that path might be a little easier for everyone. The hormones will eventually settle down, so keeping calm and trying to maintain a sense of humour throughout will hopefully serve us well. I’ll let you know in a few years if my plan has worked!

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