Fertility coach Helena Tubridy RGN RM, is seeing a huge increase in couples coming to see her with issues surrounding conceiving a child after already having one or two children naturally without IVF. Secondary infertility as it is known makes up at least half of the midwives practice these days. Helena has over thirty years experience helping many happy families to expand, including Sile Seoige who struggled with secondary infertility before the birth of her baby daughter Cliodhna earlier this year.
Speaking to RSVP Live, Helena explained, “Contrary to what people may think - this is not just a concern for older women, I am seeing a noticeable increase in the numbers of younger women and I am also seeing more men who are very upset by it. Sperm issues has an affect on miscarriage, premature birth, even things like gestational diabetes. So the male factor is quite important; it is at least 50% of the equation and is something that is often forgotten about. So men really do need to have gp’s check under their bonnet.”
Helena explains the various reasons why women may experience secondary infertility. “For the woman there could have been a traumatic birth that could have had a hidden infection in the fallopian tubes, endometriosis is another huge issue that often goes undiagnosed. That might have flared and spread in the time between birth and trying for a second baby or perhaps fibroids may have occurred. If there has been a C-Section, there can be issues with the uterus not being as receptive, particularly in the area where the embryo is implanting. Changing medications can have another negative effect or new illnesses, anything from irritable bowel to asthma. It’s generally two or three years since the first child was conceived and a lot can have changed for the couple.
Sleep is king and Helena explains how our sleeping practices are so important to our health, she continues, “One thing that is most likely to have changed is sleep, as any mum will tell you and a lack of sleep can really mess with hormones. Exercise may have shifted in terms of perhaps getting too little but also you have a lot of people now taking exercise to the extremes and that too can have an impact. If you are exercising too much you are losing a lot of energy that cannot be committed to conception and pregnancy. Diets can have changed too with families relying more on take-outs and ready meals and not having the time to eat properly and depending on more caffeine just to keep going. Fad diets don’t help either, I think if people are going for any sort of restricted diet they need to ensure that they are compensating with supplements for what they may be cutting out. The baby lives off liver stores (vitamins, minerals and glucose are stored in the liver) so they need to be present. The other big issue that is really not disucced enough is sex or rather the lack off because of the insanely busy lives people are living. Opportunities for sex are greatly reduced when you have a baby and parents are a lot more tired. With sex you only have a 25% of conceiving with every monthly cycle and that decreases after 30. So you need to be having a lot of sex.”
Every birth is different and Helena says this can affect your fertility and chances of getting pregnant again for many reasons.
“Post traumatic birth with haemorrhaging, third degree tear and preemie babies are often not taken into account when there are issues becoming pregnant afterwards, but they can have an enormous impact when it comes to trying a second time. The trauma can persist and can have an issue with fertility.”
But what does Helena recommend?
“I wouldn’t recommend jumping into IVF for the first port of call, I would recommend a lifestyle audit first - checking your diet, wellness, exercise and sleep and check in with your GP. Get some baseline tests done, including thyroid tests. There are a lot of thyroid issues in this country which can be very easily managed. Pharmacists can be very helpful too with information on supplements - I recommend Pre-concieve, which are Irish made.
“Women can be left feeling vulnerable and almost a failure when people start asking them about when they will be having another baby. This can leave them feeling guilty for not providing a sibling, another child for their partner or for the grandparents and it only adds to the stress. When I am working with couples I also look at trauma even at subconscious levels. One might be thinking ‘how am I going to cope with another child’ ‘how can we afford treatment if we need it’ ‘is my partner on the same page or will he be off golfing’ ‘how can we afford creche’. There can be very realistic issues in the way and the emotional fallout from this can be massive. I always look honestly at what has changed since the first child was conceived. It’s important for parents to realise that their child will be fine even if they are a single child - I hate the word only child and don’t use it. Single children do very well in life.”
And what should we avoid?
“I can’t stress enough how important it is to stay away from Dr. Google and the forums where you will be recommended to undertake stuff that is unproven and expensive and can be unhelpful by adding to the stress. I see some forums with wildly exaggerated success stories so steer away from those. A lot of my work is myth busting. I dare people to live well, by reminding them about their wonderful child and family. It’s all too easy to be dragged down by what you don’t have and that misery can affect your enjoyment of the baby and you have. Don’t let it take over your life, instead try to focus on preparing for childbirth so you are directing your energy in that direction. I hear a lot from women who already have one child and they are going through IVF for another. They have to medicate - feel the effects while also dealing with their bloods and scans. Many of them feel guilty after two years of this - they feel they have lost out. They may have started when their child was two now the child is four - but the last two years have been like a blur.
“The feelings of failure, shock, anger and baby envy are very real, so acknowledge those. Those are all perfectly normal feelings. It can be so devastating when you conceive your first child naturally and you end up feeling your body is letting you down a second time round. The grief and the shock are massive. People are bewildered. They say to me the first time went like a dream - what has happened. They are heartbroken. Birth is a process that begins before you conceive before dropping the contraception couples need to look at their lifestyle. This can save a lot of heartache.
“Success is 50/50 in terms of mind and body. It’s important to see where the pain points are and to shift and ease these. If you have someone who has had recurrent miscarriage, it’s very important to bring down that anxiety. My work is all about support, advice, caring and guidance. Nothing makes me happier than when I see pictures of that second baby sent to me on instagram or I get a Christmas card from the family, including the new baby. That is the best feeling ever.”
Helena recommends pre-conceive supplements by pillarhealthcare.com
Follow Helena on instagram @helenatubridy
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