A friend once told me that one summer evening she and her new boyfriend became overwhelmed with lust while walking the canal. There was no-one around so they snuck into the bushes for some monkey business, during which time, she got stung on her bum by a wasp. She leaped up and out of the bushes, trousers round her knees, rubbing her cheek exclaiming, “Ow! That really hurt!” Her boyfriend appeared doing up his fly just as an older couple materialised from nowhere to witness the scene. Mortification ensued.
Having quickies can be exhilarating, but as we age they might be less spontaneous, and judging by my friend’s experience, spontaneity can be tricky. But quickies don’t have to be spontaneous and in my opinion they tend to go better with planning. With planning, both partners can share fantasies, figure out the logistics, discuss positions and timings, and can ensure they’re groomed and dressed for the occasion, blue pills taken and supplies at the ready.
Planning removes the blocks we might have due to living with aching joints, injuries, medications that can slow down or stop libido or sexual functioning, slower blood flow meaning more time needed for arousal, erection challenges, lack of lubrication and the still taboo topic of incontinence. It can also ensure you’re not caught which is arguably more embarrassing as we age.
Read More: Sexologist explains how lube can transform your sex life
Planning can be great fun and even a turn-on as you research venues, practice positions and work out how much time you’ll need to reach orgasm if that’s important to you. Discussing your fantasy quickie can help to manage expectations.
But if you’re both spontaneous, you need to have a sense of humour, and be able to manage failure in case you get stung on the bum, for example. When it goes well, you’ll probably have some of the best sex ever but there’s also potential for momentous failures. Both make great memories if you don’t take yourselves too seriously.
No matter how you want to have your quickies, discussing what’s OK and what isn’t regarding venues and acts is important. Once you have some boundaries set, you’ll feel more confident suggesting things from a pre-agreed menu. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page about what is comfortable and enjoyable for both of you. It’s vital that either person can change their minds at any moment without feeling pressured or blamed.
A great tip is to create a “quickie pack” to have with you. It should contain basics such as lube, toys, tissues and wipes, pads and condoms if needed. Having everything readily available can make the experience smoother and more enjoyable, and more likely to happen. Nothing will put a woman off a quickie quicker than knowing they won’t lubricate.
Planning isn’t important for lesser sexual acts. A spontaneous passionate snog behind the kitchen door as your kids eat lunch can feel fantastic. A sexy feel over clothes or above the waist can be a turn-on without the worry of having your granny knickers or pee pad discovered. You can really give it your all when you know you only have two minutes and nothing more can happen.
If you’re initiating, do so with clear enthusiasm. Don’t waste time. When having the quickie, state what you want quickly and clearly so you can get turned-on and satisfied in the limited time you have. Quickies are about pleasure. Prioritise foreplay that actually works and stimulate erogenous zones. This isn’t the time for experimental touch. Use what you know and give each other feedback.
Choose positions that require minimal adjustment or preparation. For example, bending over a counter, wall or table can be brilliant. I remember hearing of a woman leaning out on a window sill as her partner disappeared under her skirt to give her oral. She actually waved at neighbours as the arousal built until she finally had to sink to the floor for a private orgasm. Big skirts are very useful for quickies.
Realistically, the odds of most women managing to have an orgasm in such a short time with so many things going on are slim. A small quiet toy can really help. I like the Lelo Lily 2. It’s discreet, quiet and powerful. If you don’t get too focussed on orgasm for either of you, you’ll probably feel freer to try things. Quickies can be seen as an amuse-bouche for full sex and orgasms later if you want.
Fast, passionate and naughty is what you’re after. Every couple’s preferences and comfort levels vary, so adapt these tips to suit your specific needs. The key is to communicate openly, be fully consenting, be in the moment, and to have fun.
Read the full feature in this month's RSVP Magazine - on shelves now
For more information contact Emily Power-Smith at empowersme.com.
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